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TALES FORM THE DRUNK SIDE!!
Here we go folks a collection of tales involving BEER! BIKES! and PORN! BIKE THEFT!!! A couple of years ago me, my mate Charles and my brother Cameron and his mate John once went to the Oasis holiday village in the Lake District, with our families and a few other families in my Dad`s circle of mates (met through the Round Table charity group). In the village you basically do anything you want , play tennis, go horse riding, archery or alternatively you cuold get really pissed and go and theive the hire bikes that are left all over the place!! After more than a few beers in the Oasis pub, me,Charles, Cam and John decided that we could`nt be arsed to walk all the way back our villa at the other end of the complex.
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BIKE THEFT CONT FROM RIGHT
After speeding off into the darkness there was a loud crash followed by alot of screaming. Mt brother had rode into a rock, nearly broken his leg and buckled the front wheel on the bike so badly no amount of WD40 would make it turn again. After recusing my Brother and booting the front wheel in a vain attempt to straighten it out, we returned to our villa and staggered to bed. In the morning we awoke to see a young kid in tears outside one of the other villas. He`d found his brand new bike bent and buckled,covered in muddy footprints and scratched to fuck!! We hid sheeplishly behind the curtain as his parents came out to console him. In total that night between us we had stolen and ruined around 15 bikes. |
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BIKE THEFT CONT:
So we wondered over to one the nearby bike parks and aftera bit of searching each ended up with our BEER! BIKES! We were riding for about TWO HOURS tring to find our villa in this mass forest, during that time we had each rode into trenchs, rode through bushes and fallen off alot!! My Brother in paticular was having difficulty on his "Happy Rider", A bike intended for toddlers not 21 year old piss heads! Eventually we arrived at our destination and having developed a taste for bikes we started to gather of collection from outside the neighbouring villas. My brother acquired another kids bike, one that looked a bit too new and shiny for a rental bike.
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STORY 2: CHANGING ROOMS WITH PORN!!!
When my parents went away leaving with the house one tim I decided to have a bit of party. Me and alot of my "mates" arrived back at my gaff after the pub and proceeded to party.About an hour into the party I began to notice various items of pornography had appeared around the house. Where there was a soft focus portrait of my Mum there was now a extreme close up of a "monkeys forehead", entire walls had been covered in hastily torn apart jazz mags, mantle pieces had been decorated with a medley oof filth. My "mates" had acquire some porn mags from some where and had decided it would be funny to redecrate the house. Even in between the slices of ham in the fridge, dirty playing cards had been inserted. I still find porn in the house after 2 years.
STORY 3: ANGRY GREEK FARMER
A mate of mine, who will remain nameless, once went on holiday to Greece. One night after getting vey very pissed, he left his mates in the bars and began to stagger back to their apartments. He got lost, very lost. He awoke in the morning at the side of a greek motorway, covered in bruises. An English couple took him home after thinking he was dead. My mate resting back at his apartment began to try and piece toghether his memory of the previous night. The only thing he could remember were fague images of a highly irrate Greek farmer with a big stick twatting him over the head. He still doesn`t know exactly how he came to tangle with the agricultural Greco but he carried his misfortune with him when he fell down a sewer a day later.
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Nikki Sixx of Moely Crue! ONE DECADENT MUTHA FUKKA!
The dude above is none other than Nikki Sixx, bassist in Motley Crue!! He once died from a heroin O.D, got revived by doctors then hitched a lift home with some chicks!! Hearing on the radio that he was officially pronounced dead he went home changed his answer machine to say "Hi this is Nikki I can`t get to the phone cos I`m DEAD!!" Then went to his bathroom and took ANOTHER over dose!!!!!! He`s still alive by some miracle!! |
MOON THE LOON!! of the WHO
Keith Moon of The Who!!A wicked drummer but also a complete fuckin nutcase.Once at festival in the sixties The Who were playin away when suddenly Keith Moon the Loon just collapsed over his drum kit!! They found out after that he had taken a GORRILA TRANQULISER!!! Ironically Keith died after he took an overdose of the drug that was given to him to curb his alcoholism!! |
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